Although I have chosen a child-free existence, I do from time to time enjoy interacting with and getting to know children. As with adults, there are some kids whose company I do not enjoy, and others whom I look forward to seeing again. I like to think that, in general, kids like hanging out with me too.
I have noticed a pattern of behaviour in the SCA over the years that I have not noticed in other social circles/environments where kids are present. I think of it as ‘Village Syndrome’ – where parents bring their kids to SCA events, then promptly cease paying attention to their offspring trusting (I assume) in the SCA village to mind the children until the parents are ready to pack up and go home, the child needs feeding or something else occurs that only a parent can deal with.
Now, those of my non-SCA friends with children would never dream of behaving in this way, except perhaps among close family, and even then, I am sure most would say to the surrounding relatives ‘can you watch Kidlet while I do some sewing/take a shower/pop out to the shops?’
There are days when hanging out with the tots is just what I am in the mood for, and other days where I want to gossip, tell tales and sing ditties with my mates, without feeling obliged to keep one eye on someone else’s child.
Village Syndrome has reduced my enjoyment of SCA events in the past, and I hope to find a way of stopping it taking the gleam off future events. For example, at the tavern feast last weekend, songs were left unsung; tales cut short; and one (admittedly foolhardy) game was aborted entirely, because there were unsupervised kids present. I don't know if patrons would have self-censored in this way if the kids were by their parents' sides during that part of the evening. Other ways that my enjoyment has been diminished in the past include: crying/screaming children not being removed from the hall, court or other organised activity; children interrupting adult conversations (or even Court) inappropriately; kids just getting underfoot; children wandering around sites apparently unsupervised causing concern for their welfare; and children being injured as a result of not being adequately supervised (that image stayed with me for weeks).
Returning to the tavern night example, if I were hanging out with my mates in a pub after 9.30 on a Sat night I would not have felt the need to censor my language or behaviour, even if there were anonymous kids in the vicinity; but because there were kids present who I knew, I felt I should censor myself. Equally, if I were hanging out with my friends with children, I would and do censor my language, unless I am a football match, when I explain that there is football language that isn't to be used other than in the stadium. This is, perhaps, hypocritical on my part.
I have not locked down this post because I am looking for some help understanding this phenomenon, and how I can navigate my way through the village. If my views offend you, please let me know in the comments. If you have tips or insights, please share them. Specifically:
- Why does this happen? Why do parents feel they can let down their vigilance in an SCA setting? Do they even realise it is happening?
- Does this happen in other social settings?
- How do I make it plain that I am not in child-minding mode and please don’t leave your child unattended in my vicinity? Or, having opened the gate, can I never again escape child mining duty?
- Should I have just let profanities pass my lips in the presence of the kids at the tavern night? What about when I had a 5yo sitting on my lap, with my consent indeed encouragement, behaving very nicely and enjoying quiet time in the company of the other tavern goers? Should I censor my language then?
- What about the other child who was climbing over non-consenting adults to get to a third person’s lap? How should they react to having their personal space invaded by asnd under 10yo? Do they reprimand the child; raise it with the parent; or both?
- What do SCA parents expect of me as a childless adult SCAdien? And what if I don’t feel I should have to live up to those expectations?
Looking forward to a lively conversation.